Kristen in Love

Without a shadow of a doubt, I come from a strong and lengthy lineage of alcoholism on both sides of my family tree. The circumstances in my life molded me into who and what I became as an addict. I know this to be true today, it just took 37 years and tens of thousands of dollars in therapy to get the point across. I heard the universe loud and clear when it put up a flashing neon sign that said: “Okay, kiddo, I’ve got nothing left to hold on to, the energy I used up is depleted. It’s up to you now …I will support you either way.” 

After decades of drinking, my life had come to a final fork in the road and I thought; “do I live today or put out this burning flame?” It was as simple as that! For absolutely no reconcilable reason the events happened on June 5th, 2012 at 7:30pm and forever changed the path I would walk on. I feel as though it has brought me closer to whatever my purpose is on this earth. Lord knows, my plans were going nowhere. I was in self destruct mode, primed and ready to go off at any moment, without warning.

My guardian angels wrapped their wings around me and kept me from drinking or using on that Tuesday of June 5th. They sent me a guide who brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous on the following Friday, June 8th, 2012. This was a foreign and unknown territory for me; I had never heard of AA, or any sort of Twelve Step program, prior to this. So naturally, I was skeptical.

At the point, I was broken emotionally, mentally and physically to the core. I was drowning in a big black ocean; hopeless and full of shame and guilt. There was no “do’s” left. I just knew my life was shattered and on fire. Barely smoldering embers left where a beautiful life had been reconstructed so many times; constantly rebuilding it from the aches to try and create a wonderful, and for all appearances, happy and functional life. I was far too exhausted to try it over again just to fail miserably. And I begged, “live or die” but for keeps this time. AA was my last resort!