Julie – Getting Honest

August Share 2021

Although Julie’s story may not be as riveting as others, she shares the same pain. Sometimes not suffering greater repercussions can prolong the inevitable, which can make it worst in many cases. Julie is such a gentle soul, you often wonder if she ever had a problem at all. But the biggest issue was getting honest with herself.

Introduction

My name is Julie and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 6/29/2018. It took me a long time to admit this. But as I got honest with myself, I learned that without a doubt I am an alcoholic through and through.

What was it like?

I started drinking and using drugs at the fruitful age of 12. As far back as I can remember, I felt like I didn’t belong in my family. I never felt loved by my parents, nor good enough, or peaceful inside. Until one day I found alcohol (like we all have), which lead to more substance abuse and sex. Then I felt all the things I was craving; desired, alive and at peace. In a sense that was crazy, because I always seemed to black out. 

I became a chameleon to mingle among different groups. I went from one circle of friends to another and acted the same, so I could naturally fit in. There was always people who drank like me, so I thought it was normal. Until I embarrassed myself enough to move on to another circle of friends. I couldn’t recall what I did most of the time, but someone always told me. It usually involved someone else’s boyfriend. This distractive behavior continued into adulthood until one day I got pregnant and married at 17. That’s the only time I stopped partying. But the reason I got pregnant in the first place, was to score a husband. Obviously, that didn’t last too long, but that was fine by me because I always had someone on the side.

What Happened?

After 2 more failed marriages I finally found my Mr. Right. Unfortunately, my behavior still didn’t change, but this time I was dying inside. I had no soul, morals or life left in me. It was consumed by alcohol and the obsession for drinking. I didn’t think anything was wrong because I still had my job of 29 years, didn’t lose my home, and never got arrested. Plus, I could go sometimes 3 or 4 days without a drink, so how could I possibly be an alcoholic? 

Everything I did compromised my life though, and that of my children’s. I drove them drunk all the time. I took them to dealer’s parties and thought because they were with me I was a great mom. They used to beg me to stay home but none of that mattered. I was always justifying my drinking; I get up to go to the gym at 5am, no alcoholic could do that! I didn’t realize half the time I was still drunk, sometimes so hungover I thought my heart would stop beating, or I would use drugs to keep me up. In retrospect, I think God was watching over me or I would have been dead.

Until one day, I met this woman at the gym that seemed to have this beautiful light, peace and serenity about her. I was instantly drawn to her and I wanted what she had. After some time, she told me she was in AA and invited me to hear her speak. I kept thinking I wasn’t like her. To prove it, I went and got a bottle of wine after the meeting. I swore I would drink one glass, only to polish it off an hour later. I spent the next 3 years in and out of the rooms. I would drink before and/or after the meetings and not tell anyone. My idea was to be good during the week and get wild and crazy on the weekend. I figured no one would notice or care, but I was lying to myself and that was the worst part of it.

After about 2 1/2 years my dad died. And as usual I went out for drinks, when a sober sister texted me and asked me how I was doing. I just blurted out I was drunk. She asked if I was kidding and I didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get honest or not. That last drunk lasted an agonizing week and that’s when I finally had enough. I came clean and picked up a white chip. This time around, I decided to dive into this program and be totally transparent.

What it's like today?

I gave my all to AA! I finally did the steps completely and honestly. I found clarity, hope and faith almost immediately and I have not turned back since. After doing a thorough 4th step my life has completely turned around. I continuously practice the 6 and 7 step by working on at least one character defect a week. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and apologizing for it. I do an inventory at the end of everyday. I pray and meditate as soon as I get up, and I sponsor other women to pass on what I’ve learned. I became a chair of my home group and I attend at least 2 meetings a day. 

I can now tell you with absolute certainty I am happy, joyous and free. 

I am proud to have become an honest woman of grace and integrity. Today, I love who I see in the mirror. I love waking up in the morning and remembering yesterday. I do a living amends to my family every-time I lead by example. I finally found serenity through my Higher Power I call God. Everything is turned over to Him and He guides me to do the next right thing. AA changed my life and AA is my life. I will be forever grateful for the life that is beyond my wildest dreams. As long as I don’t drink, stay humble and thank God everyday, I will never have to feel like I don’t belong again. 

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Dulli
Dulli
2 years ago

Thank you so much Julie. What a beautiful journey. You are truly an inspiration. Love how you stick to the program and live in 6 and 7. AWESOME

Alison Mars
Alison Mars
2 years ago

Love you julie!!! So happy to share this journey with you! You are a huge inspiration to me and so many♥️♥️♥️

Laura
Laura
2 years ago

I want this finally ! I too was in and out of the rooms not really following the program. I live in Az. But I’m in the midst of a beautiful journey traveling through Europe. I want to be at meeting right now but I’m in Italy and I can’t find meetings in English so I’m asking for help. This trip should be a dream come true but it has revolved around alcohol and I need help. Is there a blog I can get on somewhere so I feel like I have a sponsor until I get home October 1st 2021. My email is below ❤️Thank you

Susan B
Susan B
9 months ago

I love this story because I too had not experienced “YET” some of the consequences such as legal issues, etc. that many alcoholics have. I love how Julie talks about the “light” she saw in the woman at her gym. That is so true. Alcoholics in recovery have a beautiful light that is actually visible.

Dylan Eichmann
2 months ago

Thanks I have just been looking for information about this subject for a long time and yours is the best Ive discovered till now However what in regards to the bottom line Are you certain in regards to the supply

Sarah1941
Sarah1941
1 month ago

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