Jonathan – Quiet Waters

June Share 2021

Jonathan is the kind of guy that if you needed help with anything, he would be the first one to show up. He is shy and reserved, and normally sits in the back of the room. But as the saying goes “quiet waters run deep,” his story involves deep turmoil, and eventually salvation. As the sun went down, it certainly came back up in his case.

Introduction

Hi my name is Jonathan and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is on 6/16/2019, reaching 2 years as I write my story. I’ve found out in AA that I was born an alcoholic. So here it goes …

What was it like?

Looking back, I tried some beer around the age of 10-12 with a cousin I looked up to. Nothing unusual happened. But as I got older, around high school and football, the drinking really started. I couldn’t hide it from my parents because it would make me sway and slur when I talked. Then I discovered pot, which seemed to be the answer to my problem. What answer you ask? The answer to combat the restless, irritable and discontent feelings I was living with. The partying kept increasing, and became my normal way of life.

During my twenties, I was in and out of jail for stupid stuff (disorderly intoxication and felony possession). I was working for my father at the time. When he retired, he decided to pass on his successful business to me. Ahhhh I thought, “now I have it made.” I’ll be the boss and live the way I want to, but it didn’t quite turn out that way. In a few short years, I had to sell the business due to my lack of attention and inability to run it properly. At this point, my drinking was at bay. I was more of a pothead, with a little bit of coke once in a while.

When I moved in with this girlfriend who disapproved of drugs, I agreed to quit, but I nearly lost my mind. I couldn’t imagine living life clear headed. What to do? Ahhhh I thought “she didn’t say no alcohol.” I needed a way to self medicate somehow, right? This is were the alcohol really picked up and about a year later we went our separate ways. So, I got my own place and went back to living the way I want to. Drinking and smoking now accelerated to all day at work. As you might imagine, I ended up loosing the job as well and eventually my place. That was the first time I was admitted to detox, followed by so many failed attempts I had lost count. It became my new way of life.

What Happened?

I managed to stay sober about 5 months, and get my own place again. Well, I’m not sure how long that lasted, but I went back to my life in treatment centers. I’ve heard many times in meetings “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” I was sick and tired of the life I had been living, so I committed to thoroughly follow the path on 04/08/2004 and it actually worked for a while. I was able to sustain ten years of sobriety this time around. 

During those ten years, I started college in California and got my degree in Respiratory Therapy. I got married to a wonderful person I had met and felt like I was doing everything right for a successful life. After I finished my exams, I applied for my license in the state of Florida to practice my new profession. Little did I know, that the governor had signed a Bill that would prohibit a person to get their license, if they had a felony within a 10 year span. I thought, all my hard work dissipated into thin air. I was heart broken and grew so tired. It was as if a pin had been pierced into a big inflated balloon.

There was nothing I could do with two felonies on my record for possession of a controlled substance, 9 years prior. I would have to wait another year. So, I proceeded to clean pools for a job, going to meetings, doing service, and still “thoroughly following the path.” After one year, I applied for the license again and this time I got it. I immediately went back to my school for a job placement and to my dismay I found out that the school had closed. Yet again, another blow to my ongoing efforts. I went on to search for a job myself, but after being out of school and not working in the field for a year, an interview was nearly impossible.

So, I settled for a job I didn’t like, going nowhere. From there, my anger started building up. My home life was also less than perfect. Arguments became more frequent and I thought life just wasn’t fair! Around this time pot had become legal in California and I saw it as a dream come true. One day after a big argument with my wife, I thought “the hell with it, I need some relief.” I called a dealer’s number I have kept around, and on 12/31/2014 I went back to using and drinking. I was right back to where I had left off 10 years ago, drinking beer and smoking pot all day long at work.

I thought it would go unnoticed because I drove around by myself cleaning pools, but eventually I got reported for drinking and driving a company truck. They called my office and so, yes, I was fired. I ended up getting another job cleaning pools and using my own truck this time. You can probably guess what happened soon after that …I was driving home one day, drinking beer as usual, and a very “inconsiderate” driver pulled out in front of me causing an accident. The nerve of him, I thought. Little did I know, I would end up getting arrested and being charged with a DUI.

At this point everything has come to a head. I am back in jail, I have no job, and my relationship at home was in the toilet. I really wanted to stop but I didn’t know how. So, I got myself back to the meetings and my old sponsor. That was on 6/16/2019. I bit my upper lip, vowing not to drink over and over again …not drinking, not drinking, not drinking! I began to go to all the meetings I could muster and eventually I got a another job. I started working the steps once again, looking back on my past and where I had gone wrong. 

One of the steps that stood out the most was step 6 “became willing to have all my defects of character removed.” And the big book tells me that, “the root of my problem is selfishness and self-centeredness” I always wanted to be at peace with myself and with the world around me. But how could I, if it was always about me? I discovered that my own selfish concerns were the root cause for my restlessness and irritability. I had to change my perspective and respect the needs of others. I am now learning to live in peace with everyone. I realized it’s better To Be and Let Be, a reminder that we exist for one another, that we can make a difference by helping each other.

What it's like today?

I now live in Florida with my wife, and dog named Lucky. I feel like I am finally living a spiritual experience through remaining open minded and learning. At the moment, I’m actively working step 7. I’m trying to rely on a higher power, I chose to call ” Your Honor.” A God of of my understanding. First and foremost, I realize I am powerless over the first drink. There will come a time when my pain over something becomes so great that I will consider picking up a drink. But maybe, just maybe, if I enlarge my spiritual scope (as the Big Book suggests), then I might survive my own sick/tarnished mindset. I’m not the kind of person who shares how great their life is, with all the bells and whistles attached to it. If you know what I mean. I am not trying to win a race here, just trying to make STEADY progress.

I can tell you for sure …I have a life in which I HAVE what I need, not always what I want. I have much more peace than I EVER had before. I rely on my higher power (most of the time), and not demanding the results I want to see right now. I try to turn it over to “His Honor,” and wait for the results patiently. I’m happy doing a weekly coffee bar commitment, being an Intergroup rep for my home group in Miami, and talking to newcomers whenever I can. That is it in a nut shell!

THE BEST THING I’ve been given is RELIEF from the OBSESSION to drink and/or drug, and that my friends is priceless!!!!!!! I hope you get to find out for yourselves what that feels like.

 

God Bless you all.

Message me for tickets to the Intergroup banquet in Miami, Florida. Its always a Blast! jonathan82710@yahoo.com

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Jake
Jake
2 years ago

Imma stick my dick in all yall asses! Im gonna make all yall cum! Then im gonna take my pussy, and smother it all over yall! Then imma put my big dick in yall mouths! Im putting my ass on yall faces! Kiss, suck, and lick my ass, suckmy dick, eat, suck and lick my pussy, bitchessssssss!!! Kiss,suck, and lick my balls! DO IT Bitchessss! Yall motherfucking slutswhores!

Anita Johnson
Anita Johnson
2 years ago

June Share
Jonathan,
thanks for your share, it reminds me to keep on keeping on the path of sobriety.’

Aj (of central Nebraska)
Re-Birthday 01May2020