Jonathan – Quiet Waters

I managed to stay sober about 5 months, and get my own place again. Well, I’m not sure how long that lasted, but I went back to my life in treatment centers. I’ve heard many times in meetings “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” I was sick and tired of the life I had been living, so I committed to thoroughly follow the path on 04/08/2004 and it actually worked for a while. I was able to sustain ten years of sobriety this time around. 

During those ten years, I started college in California and got my degree in Respiratory Therapy. I got married to a wonderful person I had met and felt like I was doing everything right for a successful life. After I finished my exams, I applied for my license in the state of Florida to practice my new profession. Little did I know, that the governor had signed a Bill that would prohibit a person to get their license, if they had a felony within a 10 year span. I thought, all my hard work dissipated into thin air. I was heart broken and grew so tired. It was as if a pin had been pierced into a big inflated balloon.

There was nothing I could do with two felonies on my record for possession of a controlled substance, 9 years prior. I would have to wait another year. So, I proceeded to clean pools for a job, going to meetings, doing service, and still “thoroughly following the path.” After one year, I applied for the license again and this time I got it. I immediately went back to my school for a job placement and to my dismay I found out that the school had closed. Yet again, another blow to my ongoing efforts. I went on to search for a job myself, but after being out of school and not working in the field for a year, an interview was nearly impossible.

So, I settled for a job I didn’t like, going nowhere. From there, my anger started building up. My home life was also less than perfect. Arguments became more frequent and I thought life just wasn’t fair! Around this time pot had become legal in California and I saw it as a dream come true. One day after a big argument with my wife, I thought “the hell with it, I need some relief.” I called a dealer’s number I have kept around, and on 12/31/2014 I went back to using and drinking. I was right back to where I had left off 10 years ago, drinking beer and smoking pot all day long at work.

I thought it would go unnoticed because I drove around by myself cleaning pools, but eventually I got reported for drinking and driving a company truck. They called my office and so, yes, I was fired. I ended up getting another job cleaning pools and using my own truck this time. You can probably guess what happened soon after that …I was driving home one day, drinking beer as usual, and a very “inconsiderate” driver pulled out in front of me causing an accident. The nerve of him, I thought. Little did I know, I would end up getting arrested and being charged with a DUI.

At this point everything has come to a head. I am back in jail, I have no job, and my relationship at home was in the toilet. I really wanted to stop but I didn’t know how. So, I got myself back to the meetings and my old sponsor. That was on 6/16/2019. I bit my upper lip, vowing not to drink over and over again …not drinking, not drinking, not drinking! I began to go to all the meetings I could muster and eventually I got a another job. I started working the steps once again, looking back on my past and where I had gone wrong. 

One of the steps that stood out the most was step 6 “became willing to have all my defects of character removed.” And the big book tells me that, “the root of my problem is selfishness and self-centeredness” I always wanted to be at peace with myself and with the world around me. But how could I, if it was always about me? I discovered that my own selfish concerns were the root cause for my restlessness and irritability. I had to change my perspective and respect the needs of others. I am now learning to live in peace with everyone. I realized it’s better To Be and Let Be, a reminder that we exist for one another, that we can make a difference by helping each other.